Best friend

7/15/25


I’ve been avoiding you,

And by you, I mean my journal

I cry at my dad sending me a goodnight text,

The few happy things feel like a funeral


And maybe it is,

At the end of the day, it is a death

Of a family once whole, now broken

Yet another thing I have to accept


I’ve been turning by back to you because I’m scared

Opening you also opens my wounds

It walks me down the now dusty roads of memories

Where flowers of every color once bloomed


I’m tired of thinking and feeling so much,

And when I put my pen to you, this is what I do

My heart aches, my soul breaks

I walk away feeling twice as blue


Because maybe I wouldn’t have cried tonight

Maybe I could’ve been at peace

But I reached out for you tenderly,

My “strength” to confront making me feel weak


There’s so much to carry

The weight of myself and those closest to me on my back

So I fall on you even though I’m scared


I fall on you because you keep me in tact.


The truth is you’re my mirror 

A reflection of every piece of me I’ve embodied and buried

The burning and turning 

The baggage and bombs I carry


So with every breaking and building of my heart,

With every twist of a knife,

You’ll welcome my fear and hesitation lovingly,

Showing me how to live life


And it’ll hurt each time,

But each time, the pain will subside

Old scars will open and new ones will heal

Showing me that I’ll be fine


I’ve been avoiding you, I’m scared

Of the ink that bleeds from my pen,

Speaking my sadness and struggle into existence 

And for that, you may just be my best friend.